Dream snippets: Last one was about me having gone back to school, but I’m not sure what I went back to learn. The class I was in was some kind of multimedia/video production class, but there was also a grammar class or something I was taking. The campus looked like it could have been any campus, community college or state school, in America. D from seminary was in the video class. I was trying to watch all of the videos one of the teaching assistants had made on YouTube. His intro blurb at the start of each video contained atrocious feedback that was causing my speakers to suddenly be extremely loud for the rest of the class, even though I’d turned the volume way down to barely hear what he was saying. An older woman, who was apparently a librarian, came by and found equalizer controls on my computer that were large and physical, like the ones on my old jukebox. I was furious about all of it–about not being able to find the equalizer controls and about one of the teachers making a video whose volume was so poorly done. I told everyone I was done with school and fed up with it all, and stormed out. D and some lady from the dream decided to leave with me. Both of them held glass doors open for me at the entrance to the building, and I tried to go out both doors to defer to their gesture of politeness. The lady complained that she couldn’t shut the door because I was going out both of them, and so I screamed at her. Then I said to D, I really need to just go somewhere and sort all of this out.
The dream before that saw me in bed with L from high school, but she wouldn’t let me do anything with her, just sleep next to her. I kept trying to change my position in sleep to get close enough in hopes that she would change her mind, but she just kept saying, you’re hurting me.
I understood in the dream that she’d done something with every other guy in the place where we were living. I was extremely upset about this, but didn’t say or do anything about it other than mope. Someone from an old job came up and started playing a tiny kid’s piano that was out in the hall and it was a beautiful display of talent. He was nonchalant about it, and sauntered on, and I was envious of his ability. L and I got up and went into a room where the group was having much discussion about something they thought was important, like what movie to watch next. I very badly wanted to get away from it all but couldn’t for some reason.
There was some dream where I worked for an American school that partnered with an Australian school to send American students down under to learn about education practices in Australia. My job was to call prospective students and see how they were doing and if they needed anything before their departure. The first person I called was a girl whose dad answered the phone. He was really snide and sarcastic with me as I tried to explain why I was making the call. I was hoping he would say something like, sure, I will let her know you called, but he kept saying things like, I know that you really treasure this call, but I don’t.
It’s weird that there was one other dream between the above two, which I remembered clearly when I started to write this, but as I was writing it, I remembered the earlier dream about working at the Australian school, and so I wrote it down so as not to forget it, and in the process forgot the dream that came after it.
It might seem like a colossal study in narcissism to spend so much time obsessing over one’s dreams, but it is really more about my attempts to understand how my memory works–especially the parts of it that have little or no reference to the physical world. For the most part, dreams are usually just manifestations of fears and desires, latent or not, and the exploration of what they mean isn’t as interesting to me as trying to understand why and how I am capable of remembering some of them vividly and not others, though there may be many times throughout the night that I wake up thinking, I will surely remember that one in the morning, and I even give myself some coaching and quick mnemonic techniques to try to bring the dream to mind again in the morning.
My son woke me up before 5 today, and I felt like complete ass. I have started drinking too much beer again, and know that I shouldn’t but by the time evening comes, it’s what I want to do to try take the edge off of all the stress that comes with this class and worrying about money and what I’m going to be doing next and where we are going to live next.