Sober morning of acid reflux and backed up bowels. Sad for yelling at wife and son. Sometimes wine brings it out. I found a nice wine in a can for sale at the grocery store and drank it. Beer makes me mellow, liquor accelerates whatever mood I’m in when I get started with it, and wine often makes me angry. Probably because wine puts me into a relaxed state more quickly and I take offense to anyone and anything that is preventing me from staying in that state. Coffee this morning. Thundershowers, heavy ones, last night. The dog was up a lot trying to dig a hole in her dog bed to burrow into. The little son seemed content to just sleep through it all.
The rain is still hitting the roof, sometimes in waves. I am hoping it will wash away all of the pollen for good. The pollen has been coming down thickly. Sometimes on a windy day you can see it blowing off the trees as if it were misting rain or a dust storm.
The big annual event in Austin is over, spring break is over, and people I went to school with and worked with over the past year and a half are probably over me. Of course, I am still working to get over me, but that’s a lifelong process.
The guitar keeps calling out to me to come and make some music with it. I wish that I could incorporate my writing and my guitar playing and my piano playing in such a way that isn’t cheesey sing-song-y shit, but isn’t tired, hipster douchebag spoken word shit, either. There is a lot of music in my head that keeps playing–I want to make an album like the James album Pleased to Meet You.
The music never comes out sounding quite like it does in my head.
The grand visions of an epic life live locked away for some other day. They are cryo-frozen, awaiting the day when they can thrive in a particular kind of world that is ready to embrace them.