Probably headed for a big crash

Probably headed for a big crash. I can’t help it. I like the numb feeling. I like the way that I can sit here and pretend I am a twentysomething even though it is abundantly clear that I am not. Who wants to be old? I don’t want to be old and forgotten. Old and irrelevant, etc. Of course, that is who I am now. I want to be old and numb…full of words and fire, but old and numb.

Does it even matter what year it is? It might as well be 1996, 2006, 2016–whatever…or 2018, as it is. Nobody is paying any attention to the way in which technology is completely disrupting the human organism’s sense of time on the life scale. People of today and the past ten years, who have endless recordings of themselves as young people on HD video, will be the most disappointed, angry and confused. The rest of us will fumble along and watch the photos from our early years fade along with our faces and our bodies.

The big crash is coming, though. The big end to the beautiful economy that has been firing along so spectacularly. Who will I be when the economy crashes again? Will my neck be down low enough that the chopping ax will miss my head, or will my head be lopped off, and I’ll go rolling down the road in an old RV with the rest of my middle-aged peers who didn’t quite make it far enough, but made it far enough to get our necks directly in the path of the ax?

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