A weekend moratorium on the internet–no email, no news, no Facebook, no Slack, no work, no writing on the google docs. It felt good, but I had to know if my fuck up from Friday had reached anyone who mattered. It apparently had not. Monday is my call with I’s HR Dept, a formality before I am hopefully guaranteed to work there. It is time for me to go off and work at a tech giant. For once. For once after how many years in Austin? Almost twenty. All the goddamn pushes and tries and finally I gave in and let people who’d already gotten in the door get me in the door. Too many goddamn stories of people dumber and less educated than me getting into the likes of D and doing sales for ten years, climbing up the ladder–then scooting off to be a CMO at a medium sized company somewhere. I mean, I get it. I never had an internship, I never was in a goddamn fraternity or some shit. But, I worked my ass off and paid my dues at a lot of companies/organizations that proved to be seeing their twilight years of greatness, if they were ever great at all. Granted, I is kind of in that same boat, but at least it’s I–it’s been around for awhile and it will survive until I’m in my fifties, at least.
But, I’m still pissed at my boss and fighting off my temper and then I give into it and I just want to knock his block off, even though I know he’s more or less in the same role I’m hoping to get into–be a worthless nobody who calls himself a manager and gets to be so as long as he keeps his lips firmly planted on his boss’s ass and boss’s boss’s ass. I get it. I get how it works. And that’s where I’m headed. And I know the devil when it comes to my future boss at I–and her boss–I know what’s good and not about them and I know they aren’t nearly as bad as my current boss J or most of my last few so-called bosses. Anyone who says women are more flighty and indecisive than men should have had some of my male bosses. These guys take the cake for flighty, pinball-y indecisiveness.
But, I wish all of this stayed at the workplace and never followed me home. I wish I could just forget about it and focus on my dreams, like the weird ones I don’t remember much of lately, but they seem to be rich worlds that I am living in apart from the work world and the home world and whatever worlds I live in when I watch Netflix.
5 AM comes exactly how I imagined it would. I took the sleep aid because today is going to be a day of dealing with a lot of difficult people–well, at least one. And, I don’t want to lose it. 5 AM came in a fog, and I slept until 6 and lamely walked the dog around the shortest part of the block.
Now, it is 7 AM, and I am more or less ready to encounter what will be my reckoning for the shitty email I sent at the end of the day on Friday to top prospects and customers. The real irony would be if nobody says anything, and absolutely nothing happens.