You might think that by the time a man is in his forties he would care deeply about his profession. He would be so invested in it that you would know who he is among the people who are in his field. I don’t have any data to back it up, but I would argue that there is a limit to which someone’s single focus of their own career and professional image dovetails and accelerates revenue for a business. Yet, companies and organizations, large and small, government, non-profit and private all seem to agree that a person who is obsessed with a career makes the best manager of whatever. An individual who does nothing all day but find the absolute best and optimal ways to bring in new business and revenue, with little care and concern for how they are perceived or how their actions will help their career advancement is someone who is inevitably going to be used up and spitten out time and again–unless they own their own business. Even then, at some point, their own image will become what is important, and the image of the business will be secondary and only of prime importance where it impacts their image.
You know, I have probably spent too much time exulting myself high above anything that I really am. This has been much to my detriment. Fortunately for me, I have maintained some grasp and handle on reality, and I can recognize that I am among the common lot of men who make their living by doing whatever is en vogue during their generation–some profession that requires as little effort and input as possible while maximizing the output and income. My true output as an individual will likely be ultimately be measured in the form of whatever generations follow me directly as well as maybe one small quote extracted from millions of lines of writing–some pithy nothing that I hardly recall writing which some absurd AI will claim matches in form and substance other pithy quotes and sayings admired by small men.
I have finished off wrestling with the questions of identity. I am hardly capable of becoming a great man among great men, but I am never to know the experience of declaring myself more woman than man since I am not the most manly of men. For the purpose of this life, this body, this consciousness, this go-around, I am a man and I write as such from that perspective.