I got a rejection letter from a company

I got a rejection letter from a company whose marketing director had promised to stay in touch with me and have another conversation with me if there were any openings. I also have a so-called friend that works there who refuses to answer any pings–this is generally her nature, where she will only communicate with me if she needs my helps with something.

Such is life. I am at a stage in my age and my career where I’ve really outgrown the work I do, but I don’t have enough management experience to catch the eyes of recruiters looking for directors and VPs of marketing (though I could clearly run rings around many so-called directors and VPs of marketing). It’s completely my fault, for quitting my career for a while to try to do something new.

Naturally, I’d hoped for at least a conversation with the marketing director at this company, but people are pretty shitty, and would rather just blow you off completely than talk to you.

My boss put a last minute meeting on my calendar last Friday afternoon, even as I was supposed to be on PTO. I half-figured he was going to fire me. I kind of hoped that he would, so that I could stop half-assing my way through a decent paying job I have no heart for, and aggressively chase a job I could have a heart for. Then again, I can’t really afford a pay cut right now.

I keep seeing some kind of amazing new career and line of work on a golden horizon, but I can’t make out what it is–what exactly, am I being drawn to? I have tried to answer this question many times over the past twenty years, and I keep coming up short. Maybe there is nothing at all, and it was just my stupid desire to believe that all of life has a profoundly meaningful telos.

Empty me.
Empty me of the desire to acquire new things.
Pleasures and experiences are much the same. I want to possess them and clutch them as part of a collection.

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