I haven’t written a damn thing all day.

I haven’t written a damn thing all day. Here it is, now growing late, and I’m working on my fifth beer, with the battery on the computer almost dead.

I’ve spent the day probing a question–is the world moving toward a more sinister place or a less sinister one? Or, is such a notion complete bunk, and there is no telos, good or bad?

There are are, of course, bad people who will want to sell you the notion that everything is okay, and good people who are misguided into thinking everything is about to end terribly.

The sky may not be falling the way you think that it will, but it may be about to fall, nonetheless.

You might be a part of a sinister plan, or you might be utterly inconsequential to anything that matters.

Such is the power of the brain, and the way that it can convince the hardest of skeptics that something foul might be afoot.

I may be biased—no, of course I am biased, and as I get older, I am filled more and more with extra bias. I am biased toward a classical world that isn’t the real classical world, but a perfect time and place bereft of human misery and lines that aren’t perfectly straight. But, I am also biased toward an organic utopia that is quite the opposite of this classical utopia–a naturally forming and reforming place beyond the hands of human beings.

I am culpable in the downfall of this civilization, though my part might seem to be inconsequential.

There is a place that I go to when I sleep that seems to be below the average bulk of dreams and attempts at solving every day problems. My every day problems today at 41 are not really that different than they were in any other era of my existence. You aren’t going to see me getting too incredibly worked up anymore about the inconsequential drama at work or the random contract work that I take on. I am mostly worried about what will happen with the soul of my little son–he is being raised in a secular environment–much more secular compared to my own, and this is by design, except, I don’t want to see him become another drone of this mass culture who is apologetic for all things material and has no sense of the soul or the spirit world. But, I also lean toward Thomas Merton’s story, and I see how he more or less came into his own path in spite of how he was raised–none of his parents or grandparents were especially religious about his upbringing.

There are a lot of days where I start to wonder again just how conservative I might really be underneath this “it’s all good, and everything’s okay” exterior. I am not one to go about judging others too much, but I can’t help but think that if there were sinister forces at work to win more kids for Satan, they would probably operate a lot like the creative programming I see aimed at my son and those slightly older than him. If you were Satan, and you were going to brainwash people, well, of course you would sweeten everything and make it go down nice and easy!

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