The era of uneasiness. Always a vague sense that just about anything could come along and knock your life out of whack. The sense that maybe you owe too much karmic debt to make it anywhere good after you die. The old resources of comfort no longer provide any lasting balm. You are too uneasy to accept comfort without question. If you are receiving comfort, it is probably because you expected it, and so it was given. But it really is just a balm, a topical ointment to ease up the uneasiness for awhile.
There is the sense that nothing of this chapter of civilization will be left upon the earth, except for a trash pile and scar here and there. All else will return to the earth and a new effort at making things right must begin.
There is the sense that humans are all locked in a giant escape room, and we overturned most of the combinations to get pretty far, but time has run out, and we did not get far enough. We didn’t learn to cooperate enough. We didn’t learn to stop worrying about the things that didn’t matter enough, and pay attention to the things that do.
But the uneasiness bounces back and forth from being all-encompassing of humanity throughout history to just being about you. You didn’t unlock all of the combinations required to get far enough to make it out of this life into a paradise of eternal repose. Now, your self of this time and place will be tossed into the dust bin of failed attempts at being properly human and burned up with all the other chaff for all of eternity.
The uneasiness comes on mostly at the start of every time change, when the hour after work enters darkness within minutes upon vacating the office. There is a certain sense that darkness has descended upon the land forever, that this time, the spring equinox will never return again, and the winter solstice will just get blacker and blacker until the world has reached a new level of darkness that fills every nook and cranny so that even the blind sense it is darker than it should be.
There is a sense that somewhere, perhaps now, or quite soon, the canary in the coal mine will appear. Of all the random events in the news, from the tragic to the terrifying, some passing headline will indicate a shift in things to denote the end of the era of American prosperity, and then the end of the era of human civilization has it has progressed for ten thousand years, and then the end of you. The headline might be the one about the radioactive dust over Europe, possibly indicating that Russia is preparing for a not-so-cold new war. The one about all of the Asian countries moving forward with the TPP while Trump blusters could be the turning point moment from which we never come back. The one about North Korea.
You rarely go near your bank and credit card accounts. There is no need to push the uneasiness over into anxiety.
You can’t escape the mirror each day. There is always evidence of uneasiness there.