Am I an old soul, or am I a new soul?

Am I an old soul, or am I a new soul? Was my soul created in a real beyond time as I know it? Are soulmates a thing? If they are, then why do we keep getting separated from each other?

Are we all the same at our core of cores, or are we irreconcilably different?

Most days, I don’t fit in anywhere with anyone, I simply end up adapting myself to hang out with the least insufferable and egotistical. Most days, I feel like we all could be utterly different from each other and alone or entirely the same and simply deluded into thinking we are different.

In short, we should all be able to get along with everyone else, or we should never be capable of getting along with anyone else. All other associations and cabals formed based on similar interests or material wealth are merely superficial. Even grouping by culture, family, etc. shouldn’t be anything more than a passing way of staying connected. In the end, you should be capable of loving any other human being, no matter how awful they were in a given lifetime, or incapable of loving any other human being at all, except yourself.

At least, that’s how things seem to me so much of the time, though these views are hardly popular and certainly not completely practiced by me. The ties I feel between immediate blood kin are/were stronger than the onese between me and my adopted siblings and cousins. This is not to say that they are end-all, be-all, or that I didn’t love my adopted siblings, but there were definitely stronger ties felt between me and my little brother and parents. The bond I feel with my son is indescribable. I simply don’t think I could feel the same bond between me and an adopted child, no matter how hard I tried to love them.

The boundaries and ties that we create in this waking life are indeed superficial and arbitrary, but sometimes they seem to become walls and connections that are hopelessly set in stone with no chance of them evolving into something else. Of course, with no boundaries, we would all be constantly trying to connect with each other on all levels, which would be messy and even evil in the case of some boundary-less connections.

This is often the place where I return to Christ. I am unsatisfied with the programmed social boundaries dictated to me, and I don’t particularly find the so-called enlightened, humanist reworkings of boundaries to always be that effective. But, if I try to go it alone, I always fail. I end up messily connecting with people who didn’t need to see some sloppy side of me, and selfishly withdrawing my light from others who would have benefited from having my light shine upon them. When I ask Christ to lead the way, things seem to happen of a natural accord, and decisions are not wrestled with endlessly before being made–I go forward into the world in a natural, comfortable fashion that seems to work well for me. This works much better than simply trying to “just be myself.”

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