Date Outer or Inner Identity PastPresentFuture Keywords Note
09.30.2017 Outer Yes Past Ancestry, News Saw a politician with same first two names as my great-grandfather. First instance of the name in his family took place at the same time as my great-grandfather. But genealogies say we’re unrelated even though both were born in Georgia (First LJ in his family and LJ in my family)
09.30.2017 Outer No Present Child Child is still sick and lethargic, has been since Thursday, fever spiking at 103. Not overly concerned but reminded of how far we have to go to get to years of being more rugged and adventurous.
09.30.2017 Outer Yes Present Child, Parent Child addresses me as “Daddy.” I have yet to assimilate my “daddyness” to my core, but I am much farther along then I’ve ever been. Road trip this summer helped solidify this. I am still trying to figure out what me-as-daddy means, apart from just repeating my father-as-daddy, which wasn’t always the best approach to fatherhood, though sometimes it was.
09.30.2017 Inner Yes All Self, Greatness Still have moments of flashes of being convinced that I am secretly somebody great, awaiting my moment to leap onto the stage of humanity. Not often, and when they do appear now, the greatness is highly undefined. What would it mean to be great, now that I’ve lived the majority of my prime years of ascendency without accomplishing much more than the run-of-the-mill life stuff?
09.30.2017 Inner No Present Self, Health, Sleep Considering ending the sleep medicine. Tired of waking up feeling unmotivated to really have sharp thinking and high activity until later in the day, after I’ve had a nap, which I don’t get to do during the week anymore.
09.30.2017 Inner Yes Present Self, Spirituality Here it is Sunday again, and I am feeling only marginally attuned to my spirituality. I still want to attend church, be a generic, boring Christian of the mainline Protestant variety, but seminary made me weary of all the social justice/contemplative life/Bible learning stuff I was caught up in–there are too many people caught up in that stuff and doing it better than I am, and what’s more, most of them didn’t seem to want me joining them in these endeavors.
09.30.2017 Outer Maybe Present Self, Others, News Habit of reading about random people doing crazy shit in the news and then Googling them to see what their footprint across the web looks like. Then, switching to Google images and just going down a rabbit hole by clicking at whatever looks interesting or weird. Probably mostly done to make myself feel better about how normal I am in comparison.

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