I can’t seem to have good lucid dreams anymore.

I can’t seem to have good lucid dreams anymore. If I wake up in my dream and realize I am dreaming, then I almost immediately start to wake up completely. I tried to slow down the process last night, but it was only by degree. Then, I felt myself rapidly enter the pre-wake state of sleep paralysis for maybe a second before completely snapping back into my waking body with my waking mind.

This week is kind of a tease. We had class today, no class tomorrow because it’s the 4th, and then after that, only a few chapters left of the book and two tests. So, it feels like class should be done and we should be finally properly celebrating summer, but we can’t. We can’t get too drunk because we will have to be back in class on Thursday.

Not that I get too drunk much anymore, anyway. That just means I wake up too sick and can’t sleep and then feel out of sorts and doomy-gloomy the next day.

I happened to see someone I used to work with at uw today. She was taking her picture in front of our chapel and told me that’s where she and her husband got married. It’s weird how those days of 07-10 once consumed me as being all important–the organization and the people I worked with meant so much to the point that I was completely emotionally attached to what I was doing in an unhealthy way, because no one really gave as much of a shit as I did about everything. And now, to think how no one and nothing from that time period up until meeting my wife means much of anything to me.

So it seems with most of life. I might even argue that some of the most sensitive and traumatic moments in recent human history will fade to being not nearly as important to being distant memories. After all, who remembers with great anguish what the Assyrians, Babylonians, Persians, Greeks, Romans, Ancient Chinese, etc. did to the peoples they conquered? We only concern ourselves with the genocides and evil human things that see their consequences made visibly manifest in the lives of people today–like surviving Jews, Native and African Americans, etc. If civilization becomes global and nation states die off, and cultures merge and separate and re-merge to look nothing like they do today, then the awful things we did to each other over the past five hundred years will probably become distant history as well.

I often wonder if that’s what happens to someone’s mind when they die and depart into the realms beyond this one. It isn’t so much that their memory is completely wiped, Men In Black style, that the mental distance between what is pressing here on earth and what is pressing and urgent in the afterlife is similar to the temporal distance of 1000s of years in human history.

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