Letting go … I’m going to be swallowed up, and only Christ can save me. There is no learning to swim when the waters rush in. Only Jesus will make the difference. Letting go of many things I was hanging onto in my head. Luxuriating in the warm glow of retreating deep inside. The tension to grasp, to understand, to prove myself…gone. I am at peace with where I’ve landed.
The incessant need to grapple and worry with a thing until I feel like I own it. The ever-present sense of being on the cusp of something big. The will to convince myself one more time that I possess something that will make me exceptional. I just let go of all of them.
There’s no need to drink more coffee to stimulate the brain. There’s no need to drink more beer to relax the brain. The brain is in retreat, it is slumped over in an inner easy chair. It will abide. It will be happy wherever it is taken. It doesn’t need to be in the driver’s seat. It doesn’t need a career. It doesn’t need to be validated.
The brain doesn’t need to read every book, hear every song, view every painting, travel everywhere.
The brain just is.
For a time, for a spell, I am just going to relax inside this soft place. Maybe I will fall asleep. Perhaps I will be roused by someone incensed at me having allowed myself to be given over to sloth.