I am supposed to be writing two papers that are due by Friday at 5 PM. It is almost 6 PM on Wednesday. Each paper is supposed to be something like 12 pages long. I know that I will be capable of turning something in, though I doubt I will be able to rise to the level of quality that I have on most of my papers this year. I am mildly annoyed by that, and I don’t think starting now vs. fifteen minutes from now will make much of a difference. Today was the funeral practicum, the last assignment for worship class. I spent three hours prior to the class memorizing the words and that was about it. I was checked out of the class after handing in the 50 page assignment.
As I left the funeral practicum, I was telling my mom, who died ten years ago next month, how sorry I was that I am just not capable of helping her see her dream come true. I am not cut out for the pastoring business, nor am I really fit to be an academic. Having an enthusiasm for the subject matter may be of some great importance when you are starting college your freshman year, all of 18, and you are needing to pick a major. Even then, it rarely goes anywhere if you aren’t capable of handling the work involved to complete the particular major.
I think that I would be okay with returning to regular work, if that were possible. Except, I am now a year out from the last time that I did any of my old work. I may just have to let that ship sail for good, as it probably did a long time ago, anyway.