The twilight program–never resolving into daylight those dreams which you held back in youth. It could be, that day will break, and you will find yourself in a dusty church office in the Midwest, presiding over an inheritance of old books and dying ideas. Or, night will stay night, and you will have to run from the Beast. Or, night will never come at all, and you will die here in the twilight program. The moments of certainty never arrive until you are interacting with others.
The moments of certainty speak of a hyper-reality, a great moment where everything you thought was true turns out to be true, but is much more so True.
You can’t with any confidence look back over your shoulder or put your hand to the plow. You can’t with any earthly assurance venture forward into the dark spaces. No one from the old days will be calling you on the phone, even though you live within a few square miles of so many of the ones from the old days (though they hardly know you now). No one from the new days will be calling you on the phone, even though you might live near many of them as well.
You can no longer rely on the usual suspects to pull you through. This is truly the fire where faith gets tested, and all of the dross that was merely earth, wood, stone and paper gets burned away in favor of the faith that lingers long-suffering underneath. You can’t click around looking for a job that looks like the old jobs, but the next job you do won’t make sense to you today.
In fact, most of the people who make sense to you today, may not fit in the frame so neatly in the near future. When the twilight fades, the uncertainty comes home for who knows how long, but then the trial passes, as does the dark night of the soul, and the dawn arrives with new faces, a new scene, a new world–then, all of the tiny little fragments of being this way here and that way there will align themselves.