You don’t know what a blessed release this is

You don’t know what a blessed release this is, to experience the much-muted refrain of the chaos. It’s hard to explain how a common OTC med can accomplish this. Most seem to argue a placebo affect, or the equivalent of just being numbed or dulled by alcohol. Except, it’s markedly neither of those things. The ever-insistent feedback loops of thoughts, mostly negative, are almost completely gone.

Of course, I know what happens–I keep taking it and its effectiveness wears off. I go get a prescription for a similar type of psychotropic, and I find myself going through the same process–initially, it’s wonderful release and then slowly, the thoughts come back to override the drug. If I persist with the physician, she will start prescribing all manner of extras and correctives to the ones that keep me awake, and then when those give me restless legs, still more on top of them, until I am not really sure why I am doing what I’m doing.

If only praying to God could create this same blessed release from the will to sin, and for good, and without wrecking my creativity completely. Now, wouldn’t that be something? But then again, would it be so bad if most of my creativity went away, and I became a good drone who did things solely by the book?

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