high and mighty visions

i had high and mighty visions of myself and my intrinsic value to humanity.
no amount of evidence could convince me otherwise–there was nothing you could show me
that could cause me to re-evaluate my situation, re-align myself more along the lines
of every other office oddball versed in various software applications.
no, i was destined for greatness, if only this meant being seen as a great guy
by a small to medium-sized congregation
of salt-of-the-earth parishioners who’d spent their lives carefully storing up treasures in heaven (and a few here on earth, for the grandkids, of course).
i wasn’t big enough or strong enough to hold these high and mighty visions by myself.
i needed affirmation, validation and constant confirmation that i was destined to do more than manage a few software applications.
but, everywhere i turned, the confirmation was of a different kind–
well…of course you are good–you are good enough, and lord knows we need more hands to carry the coffee pot out to the potluck.
you are good enough to be accepted in our circle, but don’t expect any more from us than that–we are very busy people.
i mean, what’s wrong with what you’ve been doing?
lots of people out of work who have to take retail and fast food jobs would kill to have your skills.
why do you insist on having more for yourself in an age of abundance, at a stage in your existence when you are already chock full of privilege?
you were made to make the right decision: get that cookie-cutter suburban home that is jammed in next to a million more like it.
get the biggest big screen television and a king-size bed.
buy your son every single toy his heart desires.
see every single movie that comes out in the theaters.
upgrade your vehicle every single year.
keep a running balance of debt that is three times higher than your annual salary.
vacation in places like cozumel and orlando.
eat the jumbo shrimp from the endless buffet in vegas until you puke.
accept your coronation as a middling-midwestern-middle-class WASP king of two thousand square feet (though the bank owns 95% of it).
live and die content and happy–you didn’t create the problems in the world, so why should you be out there trying to solve them?

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