Invade Canada

I think I wrote this some time in 2009. Definitely seems a little frightening given who our next President is going to be. I wrote it as a joke, but it doesn’t seem like as much of a joke now in 2016:

Ideas to pay off American debt:


Make prostitution, gambling and drugs legal in every state and tax them heavily. Subsidize farmers’ growing plants that produce heroin, cocaine, marijuana, and then export the drugs to Europe, Russia and China.


Any and all rioting that occurs during these changes is an opportunity to declare martial law.


Invade Canada and plunder their natural resources, under the guise of some forgotten treaty in which Canada really belongs to the U.S.


Put all Canadians to work in factories (as part of the “war effort”) to make “handmade American goods” that the burgeoning Chinese middle class will import. Create factories that build more weaponry as well.


Put our stores at the CDC in Atlanta to good use: concoct a few nasty manmade viruses, vaccinate the American population, then foment viral outbreaks in Russia, then rush in as a “friend and ally” to help save their people–depose Russia’s ruling elites and then invade Russia, using all of our new weaponry made from Canada’s natural resources in Canada’s “war effort” factories.


Withhold all aid to foreign countries that are opposed to this new plan, and/or are opposed the a beefier U.S. presence in them.


Take a playbook from the Godfather–bring all of the representatives of really big business together (ie, the heads of the families), and declare that the new government is their friend, and will not raise their taxes–then execute all of them, and take over these companies.


While paying off our debt to China, propose a “mutually beneficial” venture into space with them. The U.S. will provide all of its top NASA aerospace engineering expertise to construct a spaceport in a densely populated area near the nerve center of China’s Communist Party. This will actually be a Trojan Horse consisting of nuclear weapons instead of nuclear rocket fuel.


Default on the rest of our debt to China, and put a puppet government in place of the previous Communist one.


This will essentially leave the U.S. with most of the remaining natural resources left in the world, as well as open up new vistas of real estate speculation. Native peoples living in these appropriated countries will be relocated as needed.

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