Human beings

Human beings — I still have a strong urge to get as far away from as many of them as I possibly can. Especially after moments like the one today at church new membership class where I said something and it went over like a lead balloon. I was trying to say something about myself–offer an insight into who I was and how I come to the church, but it came off as a critique or disparaging remark about the church I grew up in, I guess. Or, Ps really are just a cold bunch who need a lot more warming up to get them to laugh.

The entire process of getting involved with the church in such a way that they see you are interested in doing more than some random, mostly passive thing once a month–it baffles me. On one hand, they talk endlessly about being called to leadership, on the other hand, it has been intimated to me that I am not vocal or proactive enough about expressing what it is I want to be doing.

The church itself is kind of a great mystery of which only the lifelong members of a given denomination seem to really know what to do. I guess after that, you have people who are just generally good at understanding social norms and cliques, and can navigate such things. Then, you have people like me, who want desperately to be more involved in any way I can, but I always seem to end up falling short and being asked to go get some iced tea. It’s not that I have any problem whatsoever with doing the little things that need to be done. I would gladly do them all day long. But, it’s also true that I hear greater needs constantly communicated, and I am pretty sure that I am capable of doing more than just fetching iced tea now and then and operating steam cleaners once a month.

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