I wish sometimes that I could just consume the Bible like the prophet who ate the scroll

I wish sometimes that I could just consume the Bible like the prophet who ate the scroll (Jeremiah? Isaiah?) and light a particular kind of fire inside of me that can’t be quenched. Most days, I feel more like I am still just creating a kind of fever of the ego–a pleasant fever for Jesus and desire to love others and be an all-around nice, compassionate soul. But, the problem is, even when I am adamant that I don’t want to be the one doing this and I want God to work through me, I end up feeling an almost physical law take place–for every action there must be an equal and opposite reaction. For every time I get filled up with a lot of nice thoughts about Jesus and love of my neighbor, I experience an equal and opposite reaction of lashing out in anger and petty and selfish things my neighbors do, sometimes to the point of almost completely derailing my current mission.

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