Please stay with me. Please be with me when I enter the noon hour and the demons of acedia are upon me. Please be with me when I am revived in the morning and the demons of lust are upon me. Please be with me when I slip into a groggy state early in the evening, and demons of all kinds–anger for past slights, old dreams that should be dead, wistful nostalgia for things that never were, lusts for living lives apart from You–are upon me.
I am weak.
I may never have been completely broken, but I would ask that you please break apart my ego without hurting others in my life. In other words, please don’t introduce situations that will break me because of something bad happening to someone else. I’ve endured all I can in that department for some years to come.
Show me how weak and unworthy I am of your grace, and how merciful and kind you are. Please pour out your blessings upon me so that I might speak your Word to others one day, and more importantly, act out your Word for others. Please mold, change and shape others as well. Let the cracks appear so that the Light may enter. I find it so hard to see how many of your people who call themselves Christians are living Christian lives, but I am willing to not let my ego get the better of me. They are imperfect sinners like I am, and maybe some of them will let Love change them the way that I have sought to.
I seek Love. I seek to transmit Light and Love. But, I don’t seek these things for my own glory. I seek these things because the alternative is unbearable.