I want to get excited again about the mysteries of the universe

I want to get excited again about the mysteries of the universe, but I don’t want to get caught up in bullshit.


Clearly, I need to preface my ventures into the unknown with the fact that these are speculative worlds.


But, I think there are some facts that don’t ever seem to change with time.


#1. I am not completely satisfied with anyone’s paradigm of reality. All are insufficient, though perhaps all of them contribute to our understanding of reality in a way that can be helpful if taken in concert with other paradigms.


#2. I am not completely satisfied with who I am. I am not overly pleased with the concept of growing old, but I don’t like the idea of dying young, either. I have never completely come to terms with my masculinity, but I can clearly see the limitations of being a woman.


Time is one of the bigger things that bugs me. Time has an arrow that always leads to entropy, decay, chaos, except when time is causing a species to evolve or a being to grow to maturity. The idea of trying to fight the aging process seems as ridiculous as actively embracing it.


The best I’ve been able to come up with is that: God is all loving and all knowing, but in order for creatures who have free will to exist, there must be a pocket universe within the greater Universe that is imperfect and contains evil. We can’t directly interact with God, because we carry the taint of this universe. Thus, the bridge who is Jesus and also the mediator/comforter of the Holy Spirit. The general case of the Spirit is what gives this universe its life force, but the specific case of the Spirit is the gift of Jesus prior to his final ascension into heaven. One day, we will all know everything God knows, or at least have easy access to it, but we will not become God or gods because we won’t hold any power of our own over other beings.


In heaven, there are no walls or filters–you are naked in ways you never thought you could be.


But, I am only trying to come to terms with my own series of experiences where I did bump up against something bigger than this universe. I can’t abide by a non-theistic interpretation, though I am reluctant to wholeheartedly accept the Bible without some conditions. Jesus did say that there was more to tell us. Reincarnation just seems to be the only way possible for an individual to be sent to “eternal damnation” for sometimes very slight or even not very bad behavior (including living a mostly good life without accepting Jesus as your savior) — the wheel of birth and death, as the Buddhists and some Hindus understand it to be, can be looked upon as an eternal wheel from which there is no salvation for an individual self at the end of his or her life. Jesus is the only way out of the perpetually spinning hamster wheel. Enlightenment that leads to Nirvana only gets you to heaven’s gates, but doesn’t get you into heaven.


It is all fine and good to think these things to bring me some comfort, but I couldn’t say if they were true or not, and I would hardly be doing anyone any good if I expressed them while seeking a seminary degree and ordination from a mainline denomination. Obviously, if I felt strongly compelled by the Lord after much prayer and discernment and reassurance that these ideas were coming from the Lord or at least an entity who confessed that Jesus came in the flesh, then I might speak about them sometimes.


I do feel like to some degree I write myself around in circles when I think about these things. I could, for example, attempt to describe a perfect life for myself:


The perfect life, as it pertains to starting with who and where I am today and seeking to reach a certain “most righteous or best me” peak, would see me able to hijack the aging process for at least an additional one hundred years, would see me able to connect with thousands of people who consider themselves to be friends of mine, would allow me to discover deeper truths about why I am here on an almost daily basis.


Obviously, I am aware of the big things about me that need to change–my fretting over the future and the possibility that the Antichrist will appear in my lifetime, among many other worries and concerns, my temper, my lustful thoughts, my longing to relive the past, only in a better sort of way, my sadness over people who have died that I can’t encounter again in this life, etc.


But, what if there was something little–like who I perceive myself to be, especially in the sense of being more than just my physical self, but remaining with bounds that are useful and productive to me as a human on this earth. In other words, not flying so high spiritually that I think I am only fit to hang out in heaven, but seeing more deeply into how my spirit is connected to my flesh.


Most people don’t have a good grasp of the nervous system and how it manipulates the muscles, myself included, and so we are easily swayed by gurus and healers who talk about light and energy and chakras and stuff without having much of a grasp on how this stuff connects with our physical selves. The same can be said for completely materialistic practitioners of western medicine. They seem incapable of coming up with a good model for how something like our brains can work as well or even better than computers in a lot of ways. Memories are stored non-locally in a holographic fashion, some say, and tearing up the brain simply prevents you from functioning and accessing them properly, but the content isn’t destroyed.


Of course, what would be extremely helpful is for someone to come up with an instrument that is designed to detect the higher dimensions or non-local worlds beyond our own. The instruments we build are built by people who aren’t looking outside of what is still considered to be part of the physical universe, if not directly detectable by the five senses. I am thinking about something other than drugs or those cheesy EVP devices on the ghost hunting shows, although maybe those things can point the way to the creation of instrumentation that consistently delivers evidence of a higher Universe, even to the most die-hard skeptics. If a human consciousness on drugs has experienced other worlds, would it not make sense that some kind of device could be devised that allowed the portal or window into the worlds to be reflected back as some type of translatable information or imagery?


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