People are here to affirm or deny my ego

People are here to affirm or deny my ego. I am responsible for crafting a personality that they will approve of, so that they might consider me to be someone worthy of their time, attention and possibly money.

If I remove my personality from the equation, and I attempt to make the validity of my existence be solely based on what thing of value I produce, I will almost certainly remain forgotten and unheard of, at least in my own lifetime.

It is possible that in times past, people affirmed an ego based on the life story it could tell–what did that person do–versus the size of that person’s personality…but, I very much doubt this to be true.

If I remove people’s affirmation or denial of my ego as a reason for my existence, I am left with only asking myself why I want to be here on this earth? Why do I want to persist in my existence?

If I am simply serving myself, then I will never get past gratifying my organism and perpetuating my DNA. If I look to a higher power for the reason of my existence, I will either be met with a response to worship and praise and adore that higher power, and/or help those who are less fortunate.

Unfortunately, I never get past removing the need for people to affirm or deny my ego and serve myself, and so my attempts to worship God are tainted by a constant looking over my shoulder to see if others are watching me, or if I am worshipping God and serving others in a way that will elicit praise from people.

I also do not ever completely develop a completely robust faith in God to take care of me while I reach out to help others. So, I continually find excuses to retreat back into myself under the guise of a need to take care of myself. Since I haven’t developed this robust faith, this is quite necessary, otherwise, others begin to seem like enormous drains on my vitality and I begin to resent the very people I set out to take care of.

So, a primal thing to do is practice putting trust in God to take care of me, even when I don’t feel like I am at my best from having eaten, slept and meditated.

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