I am a terrible sinner

I am a terrible sinner. I start to think that I am somebody special, because I have a nice family and a nice job, and therefore God must think I’m extra special to have blessed me with goodness. I start to think my days of hardcore sinning are behind me.

And then I lapse into deep anger and lust. My ego flares up. I get extremely lazy. I drink too much. I speak ill of everyone around me.

Then I start to realize that I don’t really deserve any of the good things I have. I certainly don’t deserve them any more than someone who is a lot worse off than me and was just born into their circumstances.

Most of my niceness and goodness was due to taking OTC meds and drinking a lot. In other words, I was finding unhealthy ways to suppress my tendencies toward evil passions.

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