I am a terrible sinner. I start to think that I am somebody special, because I have a nice family and a nice job, and therefore God must think I’m extra special to have blessed me with goodness. I start to think my days of hardcore sinning are behind me.
And then I lapse into deep anger and lust. My ego flares up. I get extremely lazy. I drink too much. I speak ill of everyone around me.
Then I start to realize that I don’t really deserve any of the good things I have. I certainly don’t deserve them any more than someone who is a lot worse off than me and was just born into their circumstances.
Most of my niceness and goodness was due to taking OTC meds and drinking a lot. In other words, I was finding unhealthy ways to suppress my tendencies toward evil passions.