There is something great waiting to unfold. It is not unfolding because I am trying to figure out what it is, and anticipate it before it can begin. So, it waits.
I am worried about whether the great thing will be from the Lord, when I shouldn’t be worried at all. If I am one of the chosen, it can’t be from anyone but the Lord. If I am not one of the chosen, then there is no point in continuing a relationship with the Lord.
I am one of the chosen.
Being one of the chosen means that I will have to stop pretending that God’s chosen and Man’s chosen look anything alike. The people that our culture holds up before others for praise and adoration are not the same people that God does and will. I only have to think of the recent fall of America’s Dad to completely know this. Even those people who the Catholic church holds in high esteem may or may not be the same saints on God’s roster. God is God, and the church is the church. Perhaps the church is better aligned with God than Western pop culture and mass media, but it is most definitely not perfectly aligned with God.
I respect the church and love it dearly when it is behaving like it should, but the church is nowhere near as great as God. And, when I say the church, I mean all of the churches that more or less affirm the same creed.
I was living my life in such a fashion that I allowed little pieces of me to be carved off and placed on paths that would make this or that person nod their head in approval. I thought I’d come up with a strategy to please most of the people most of the time, and please God as well. My strategy was about as effective as if I’d literally been dividing myself up for others.
What matters in life from now until death?
I know what doesn’t matter:
Worrying about whether I will go to heaven or hell.
Trying to anticipate and know God’s will instead of letting God’s will flow to me naturally.
Worrying about how to have enough money to support my child and retire.
Any thoughts tied to whether or not I will have enough money.
Worrying about things that I don’t have that I think life owes me.
People from my past who were never there for me, but I still allow a bit of wistful thinking to linger in hopes that I might reconnect with them someday.
The opinions of people in my present, especially in regards to how I am conducting my life.
Worrying about death itself.
Worrying about career and how I can become a great thought leader at some specialized subject matter.
I am inclined to not even write about what does matter. There are the obvious things in life that matter. But, those should go without saying anything about them at all. I think if there is anything else that matters, I’ll find it and know it as I go about living my life.
I tend to think that when I create ambitious life plans around all of the important things in life that matter, I become frustrated and incapable of seeing how to accomplish whatever I wanted to do.
I used to see myself as being someone who would one day be called great, and held up by humanity as a great person. But then, I started to dive into the lives of the people who were called great, as well as all the people who we hold up in high regard today. It no longer has any sort of appeal. I am no longer full of the heady fear that comes with imagining a scenario where I become a notable, but I am no longer in possession of any of the desire for it, either. The people we hold up in high regard today as being worthy of our praise are mostly treated as such because of many lauded characteristics that they didn’t have any control over.
The ones who appear to have no lineage connecting them back to notable parents or grandparents all seem to have managed to get in the right place at the right time (they are lucky), or they developed much of their poise and self esteem due to their good looks and athleticism (again, they are lucky).
I suppose it is quite possible to live an entire lifetime never really knowing just how much or how little you had control over the outcomes of things that happened in your life. You could veer off in either direction, thinking you were responsible for everything and made many bad choices or thinking you were responsible for nothing and life just moved you this way and that like a Forrest Gump feather. You would probably be wrong and utterly shocked to learn of all the opportunities you had that you blew because you didn’t have the courage to speak up or change the way you behaved in any given situation. But, you might be similarly surprised to see how many things you took to the grave as guilt that were simply beyond your control.