Whatever happened yesterday can stay inside yesterday. You are still alive, aren’t you? You have marketable skills that can get you work any time of day or night, right? You clearly have swimmers that still can get the job done, as your son on the cusp indicates.
But, what do you do with a day like today? How do you manage to get the most out of it, before it’s over and you realize you’ve let another day go by while you lived on auto-pilot?
You’ve learned to know the things that are no good for you, and the things you hate to do. Your marketable skills just happen to be among these things. You know that the world isn’t looking for you, as much as you would love to be everywhere at once, looking for the real world.
You want to walk down the major streets of every major city. First this. Not the off-the-beaten-path, authentic experience that every certified traveler claims to have on a monthly basis. You want to be a tourist first, to know the city as a tourist does. Only the really unsavory parts of the tourist areas are to be avoided. You are talking about the guys who sell tours and are willing to remove all vestiges of their own human dignity to do it. Those guys can rot in hell forever, for all you care.
But, you don’t want to be one of those people who goes where only the locals go, when you haven’t even gone to the monoliths and venerable structures that every tourist must see.
You have been in a prison, and now you are entering another prison. You were imprisoned by debt and fear and alcohol, and as soon as you got out of that one, you got into the prison of marriage, fatherhood and old age. But you aren’t going to let your new prison prevent you from breaking out as much as you possibly can. However, you know that you are going nowhere for the next year.