There is something deep and abiding about the appreciation I felt for her when I saw her again this afternoon, walking through the doors to the UT Stadium wherein they had an exhibit of cadavers stripped of skin and stuck in different poses exhibiting the various systems underneath. Yes, I invited this lady A to one of those Bodies exhibits that’s been touring the country. Can you believe it? After seeing her in church a few times, and having coffee, I felt okay with asking her over anyone I’ve known at United Way for years.
There was this feeling of affirmation, “yeah, she really is pretty sexy and pretty in that skirt, her body and face and eyes are really attractive,” but at the same time I just felt like it was natural for us to be together—not some hot-blooded lust that screws up my words or makes me want to force the untenable.
I talked with A pretty much non-stop after we got started touring the exhibit, and we didn’t really stop until after we’d slowly let the conversation meander through an extended dinner, and she’d driven me back to my parked car through heavy traffic and construction.
After feeling uncertain about whether I was supposed to hug her or not at the end of the previous date, I decided that even though we were awkwardly positioned in her car, she was going to get a hug whether she liked it or not. I then paused to add more emphatic words to the oft-carelessly thrown “I had lots of fun,” because I wanted to stress to her that I REALLY enjoyed her company.
A is beautiful when she lets go with genuine laughter. She’s arrestingly pretty when I see her again after having not seen her in a day or so. And, all of her quirks and idiosyncrasies are adorable. I don’t know if she’s a shy, socially awkward person like me or just an incredibly unique lady in the face of all these women who want to be like contestants on the TV show the Bachelor.
And, I was just stunned by how completely and utterly I wanted to fall in love with her while staring into her eyes in between kisses.
Yes, we stood there kissing in the parking lot of the Alamo Drafthouse.
After seeing each other three times in church, once at a coffee shop, once at a museum exhibit of real cadavers, once for a dinner (following the cadavers exhibit), once at the movies and twice around the trail—all within a four-week time span—we were confident that both of us were ready to break down the walls and start smooching in a parking lot.
It felt so damn good, I must say. A looked even more gorgeous to me each time we paused from kissing to stand forehead to forehead. Wow, I thought.
And, then, there’s A. The first single lady I met at the church—on the second Sunday I was there, she walked around to the other side of the pew to sit next to me. She was immediately agreeable to the suggestion of coffee, and accepted an invite to look at cadavers-as-art at a sports medicine exhibit. She turned out to be a runner. She’s an English major. She has a rich and varied inner life, deep intellectual curiosity, has a cool job and is getting a Master’s for a fascinating subject. She’s gorgeous, she smells good but isn’t heavy of perfume. She dresses nice. She has a sharp eye for taking great photos. She’s a brilliant conversationalist.
She has an animal-friendly license plate. She likes Taffy, and Taffy likes her. She’s not a neat freak, but has a cozy, inviting place.
She kisses very well.
I am having a hard time right now seeing myself with anyone else, ever.
I hate saying it so early, but I really think A could be the one. There is absolutely none of the reservation, doubt or fear that I felt in the past relationships. No moment of heart sinking once I see her in a different light or environment. Nothing of the “what the hell did I get myself into,” or “is she really too good to be true?” kind of questioning that often goes on, even during the best phase of the relationship. I am coming into this with eyes wide open, realizing full well that nobody’s perfect, and that she’ll have some flaw that I don’t like, some things we disagree on. But, then again, I’m also just relying heavily on my heart, and what its telling me, whether I’m staying with her after church until I have a moment to ask her to coffee, or taking the plunge and grabbing her hand in the movie theater.
When we are together on my sofa, I feel 100% complete, a kind of completeness I don’t know that I’ve ever felt before.
I look at A as she’s approaching me, and it’s like I’m rediscovering all over again just why I like her so much. Inside, I have no reservations, anxiety, doubt. I’m not overly full of the eager schoolboy crush, but no part of her says to any part of me, “maybe you should be thinking twice.”
With A, it’s like I’d been trying to put various puzzle pieces together that by most accounts appeared to match the right shapes and colors, only to discover what it’s really like when two pieces are meant to fit together.
I hope this feeling lasts…A appears by all accounts to be everything I was looking for.