I’ve been trying to assess where the mild undercurrent of my current malaise is coming from

I’ve been trying to assess where the mild undercurrent of my current malaise is coming from. Is it something latent from the old days of girlfriends where I let every last little problem become a major crisis in hopes that I’d gain sympathy and soothing words from them, thereby stimulating some pre-natal pleasure center in my brain?

Or, could it be that because I now have left off the crusty dusty Skyway place with all its ghosts, and because I am starting to date someone seriously for the first time in years, that I kind of expect there to be a new job opportunity waiting for me as well?

The new UW work environment is full of rough, bumpy patches everywhere I turn. I never know from day to day where anyone there stands in their assessment of me both as an individual and as a professional. Even at the height of my era of yearning to be friends with some of them but feeling rejected, I always knew that my boss J appreciated the work I was doing and saw real value in it.

It’s kind of awful now, knowing that there are just huge mistakes and missteps being made everywhere I look, and knowing that my opinion of what management does or thinks is of no value to anyone there.

The new people in Marketing are not creatives. That’s a huge burden. I get more of a creative collaboration fix off of talking to J down in CS or R in CD.

In a nutshell, during the workday, my spirit just sags and droops along, finding more joy in the endless news feeds and links meant for some luxurious staycation.

My brain has lost the will to give 100% to UW, and to the game of staying hyperactive to demonstrate usefulness. I can only research and provide so many strategies and recommendations for improving their online giving, while being met with “that’s great, but we’re too busy, but we need to do something about this now so let’s convene some more task forces,” before throwing up my hands in resignation at the futility of it all.

I think the problem with the new Marketing and Management teams is that they only know how to play things by the book. The willingness to follow one’s muse, implement based on a creative spark, and be bold enough to put a different foot forward—that just isn’t there anymore.

And, in a less kinder light, I have to say that the new Marketing boss and colleague are not even close to having the right instincts and experience to be doing what they’re doing.

When a representative from a brand new company was inside the office, A, my boss, could be overheard blurting out, “we’re not fucking around here!” in reference to the local charity beat reporter who was being discussed. She’s repeatedly misspelled words and left typos on communication that went out to the public and internal stakeholders.

I am completely baffled by a company or non-profit’s approach to shake things up completely just because things weren’t working perfectly.

At any rate, I’m at a loss right now as to how I will move forward to my next career opportunity.

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